


you make me a fool

by takakoyaki



Category: GOT7, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: 94line is important, Canon Compliant, Falling In Love, Jackson POV(!), M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7579405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takakoyaki/pseuds/takakoyaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackson knows they won’t be alone; there will be staff and cameras following them everywhere, at every turn. It’s not really like he’ll be on a date with Jooheon. But it’s as close as he’s going to get in the foreseeable future, so...</p><p>(A fic based entirely on the events of Flower Boy Bromance S5.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	you make me a fool

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allegrolines](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allegrolines/gifts).



> For Paula (again), for being the #1 jackheon stan. We all need more jackheon in our lives.

 

It’s four in the morning.

Normally, even Jackson would be asleep, or at least pretending to be, but Mark is off in another room and the dorm is unusually quiet. Jackson tells himself that quiet is okay, because it’s hardly ever quiet, and everyone needs their rest, but at the same time the silence means there’s nothing to keep unwelcome thoughts at bay. 

He takes out his phone, wanting to connect with someone even if it’s only through Kakao. The person he really wants to talk to doesn’t even have his phone back yet, but at just that moment, like his mind had been read, he gets a message.

_ Are you still awake? _

Jackson’s breath catches in his throat as he sends back a “yes” as quickly as possible, and a moment later he gets a Facetime call notice.

“Jooheon-ah,” he says in as low of a voice as he can manage when the video comes on, hurriedly pushing his bangs away from his face. Even at this time of night, and with no makeup on, Jooheon looks radiant, perfect enough that Jackson’s heart squeezes tight and painful in his ribcage.

“Did I wake you up?” Jooheon’s voice is as soft as the smile he gives him over the camera. 

“You didn’t. I-I was thinking about you just now,” Jackson blurts out. It’s more romantic than he means to be, but he’s always this way, especially with Jooheon-- always saying more than he intended, showing his cards all at once. Even so, Jooheon doesn’t seem fazed by it. They talk quietly for a few minutes just to catch up; exchanging stories about their schedules or members or managers before Jooheon speaks up. 

“I’m actually in the middle of working on another song. Will you listen to it?” he asks, all anxiety and barely-contained excitement, and even though Jackson doesn’t think it’s even remotely possible he would ever 1) say no or 2) dislike anything that Jooheon created or did, ever, it’s still adorable.

“Depends, will you buy me dinner if I do?” he teases Jooheon as he plugs his earphones in, before grinning. “Okay, let me hear it.”

“It’s not that long yet,” Jooheon warns him, before hitting play on his laptop. The smooth beats that form the foundation of the song play first, then eventually become overlaid with a sweet melody that’s reminiscent of an R&B style love song. Only a few bars of the melody play before Jooheon stops the music abruptly, as if out of self-consciousness.

“Those are the only parts I’m satisfied with so far,” Jooheon tells him. “It’s not a lot, but… I wanted to show you before anyone else.”

“It’s still amazing,” Jackson says in all honesty. “You’re amazing. I just wish I had something to show you back.”

At this, Jooheon seems surprised and shakes his head. “It’s okay, I know you’re busy.”

“So are you. You’re busier than me lately,” Jackson protests. As much as he doesn’t want to tear himself away from the conversation, he knows Jooheon should be resting right now. “You should sleep soon, Jooheonie.”

“I will, soon.” Jooheon nods, his smile watery and tired. “You weren’t sleeping either. Is everything okay?”

“I’m okay, yeah.” Jackson feels his face heat up, but he doesn’t look away from his phone’s camera. “I just… I miss you a lot.”

Jooheon is quiet for a few moments, his eyes averted from the camera. Jackson can’t tell for sure from the fuzzy lighting, but he thinks there might be a blush covering Jooheon’s pale, smooth cheeks. 

“I miss you too,” he says quietly. “Um… one of the reasons I decided to work on the song again is because I wanted a reason to call you this late.”

“You don’t need a reason. Any time you can, you should contact me.” Jackson tries to keep his tone as even as possible, even though he knows Jooheon still doesn’t really understand how he feels. He doesn’t know how it stings even worse somehow, when Jackson can see him there on the screen and hear his voice, but not be able to touch him.

Jooheon frowns a little, unsure. “Even if it’s during a schedule? I don’t want to get you in trouble...”

“Even then. Promise me.” Jackson’s voice cracks a little then, finally. If he were being typical, outgoing, happy-go-lucky Jackson Wang, he’d tell Jooheon right now how much he treasures being able to talk to him, how Jooheon’s existence is so, so important to him that he would shout it from the rooftops if he could. But it’s not the right time, not yet, so he forces it back down with an audible sigh. “A-anyway, it’s late. Sweet dreams, Jooheon-ah.”

His accent comes out more than usual, and he stumbles on the words. Still, Jooheon only smiles warmly, this time enough to show his lake-like dimples. “You too, Jackson-ah.”

The video call cuts off then. Jackson takes his earphones out and puts his phone down, staring up at the darkened ceiling above his bunk. The words he wanted to say so badly are still bubbling over inside of him, frenetic and hopeless. He moves his phone over his chest, resting it over his heart as if to soothe the tangle of emotion inside, and whispers them as he closes his eyes.

“I love you.”

  
  


\--

  
  


A week before they film  _ Flower Boy Bromance _ , Jackson starts to dream about it.

He knows they won’t be alone; there will be staff and cameras following them everywhere, at every turn. It’s not  _ really  _ like he’ll be on a date with Jooheon. But it’s as close as he’s going to get in the foreseeable future, so his subconscious starts to play tricks on him. It’s not like it’s been that long since he last saw Jooheon, it had been when they were last promoting, but as filming gets closer it feels like longer and longer. When Jackson closes his eyes at night he feels Jooheon’s soft hair between his fingers, sees Jooheon’s smooth, pale cheeks so close to him, close enough to kiss-- but then he wakes up, left with nothing but an overwarm pillow and his own frustrations.

It’s late, late at night when Jackson finally stumbles out into the common area, needing water badly. At first he had the faint hope it would be empty at this hour, but sure enough Jinyoung is out on the couch reading a book. Stubbornly, Jackson tries to hide the redness of his face with his bangs as he passes through, turning away as he fumbles around their cluttered counter for a semi-clean looking cup to put water in.

Of course it had to be Jinyoung. If it were someone else, maybe he would’ve been left alone in his patheticness, but after a few moments of feeling Jinyoung’s eyes on him from across the room, Jackson hears him finally put down his book and pad over softly into the kitchenette. 

“Jackson-ah? Is everything alright?”

Jinyoung’s hand is on his back, comforting and secure, and if this were like anything Jackson usually dealt with--homesickness, overwork, another PD expecting him to cry on camera-- it would be easy for him to turn into Jinyoung’s touch, to let Jinyoung comfort and hug him like an older brother even though they’re the same age. 

“Jinyoungie, I…”

Jackson’s voice wavers. It’s tempting to try and hold it in, especially because Jinyoung’s shoulder is perennially available to cry on even without revealing the specific cause of his distress. Then again, next time it might be Jaebum or the manager or something, and who knows if he’d be able to hide everything then?

“So theoretically, if I had... a friend, and that friend couldn’t date the person they liked because it’s- uh, complicated, and against policy and everything, but they still… maybe, really super wanted that person for themselves, what should I-my friend do? Theoretically,” Jackson stammers, in the end. It’s less than half-baked as far as that cliche goes, but it hurts his pride slightly less than admitting it outright. And this way, at least Jinyoung has plausible deniability in case Jackson goes and says or does anything ill-advised (which he definitely might).

Jinyoung regards him evenly for several long moments, his usually puffy lips pursed thin in thought. “Well, maybe not-Jackson should tell this person that he likes them anyway. It’s against the rules to date like normal people, sure, but it’s okay to have someone in your heart, Jackson-ah,” he says finally, shrugging slightly. “If the other person is famous too, I think they’ll understand. Just be honest.”

“Well, at least honesty is my usual policy.” Jackson says wryly as he locates a tumbler that looks potentially clean and fills it with water. Though Jinyoung warns him not to drink too fast, he chugs half of it in one go, and the rest after his next breath. Jinyoung watches him steadily even as he tosses the cup into the sink, and Jackson can’t help but reach out to squeeze his arm. “Thanks for the advice, Jinyoung-ah. And, uh…”

“Don’t tell the others? Sure, but just remember you owe me one,” Jinyoung flashes him a tired smile before returning the gesture, and Jackson nods in agreement despite knowing that Jinyoung will almost certainly actually make him pay for this later. “Go back to sleep soon, okay? We’ve got lots of schedules tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jackson waves off Jinyoung’s nagging and heads back to his room. But even though he slides back under the covers with every intent to sleep, he finds himself too lost in thought to sleep, flashes of the Jooheon he saw in his dreams overlaid with Jinyoung’s words. 

The images only burn brighter when Jackson closes his eyes. Somehow, he keeps them open until watery morning sunlight filters in through the blinds.

  
  


\--

  
  


The majority of the filming itself passes by like a flash. Even though the staff is there, Jackson is having way too much fun just getting to spend time with Jooheon for most of it to think about when he’ll get a chance to talk to him alone. But when it’s nearly over, Jackson starts to panic. The filming itself is nearing its end, the stylist is touching up his clothes and makeup on the rooftop when he overhears Jooheon’s manager talking to him, reminding him that soon they have to go their separate ways.

“Jooheon-ah, take a break now. After this wraps up we’ve got to go.” 

The words cut to Jackson’s center, and he practically spins out of his stylist’s hands to rush over just as Jooheon’s manager walks away. Not really knowing what he’s doing or what he’s going to say but figuring he might as well go for it, Jackson grabs Jooheon’s arm.

“Jackson?” Jooheon blinks at him, half-concerned, half-curious. “What’s up?’

“Jooheon-ah. Um.” Jackson fumbles with his words more than usual, but it’s fine. He has to do this now. “Will you. Come with me somewhere really fast? Before the break’s over?”

“Sure, as long as it’s not far. We both gotta be back soon.” Jooheon still seems puzzled but agrees, and Jackson quickly scopes out the area before taking him back inside the covered plaza and sitting on a brick planter behind the restrooms, out of sight from the staff and camera crew. Once there he makes sure both his and Jooheon’s mic sets are completely off before he finally allows himself to try and relax (not that it works).

“Uh, Jackson-ah? Are we hiding out for a reason?” Jooheon is starting to look nervous, and Jackson grimaces guiltily and nods his head.

“This isn’t. Er, it isn’t how I imagined things would go, okay no it’s exactly how I imagined it, but-- still. I wanted to be able to talk to you alone for a few minutes. Without mics or cameras,” he adds. He’s thankful that Jooheon was still genuine with him the whole time despite their presence, though he didn’t expect anything less either. “Jooheon-ah, it’s just-- are you dating anyone right now?”

“Yah, that’s what you dragged me back here to ask? Come on, you know I’d tell you if I was. Plus, it’s against the rules.” Jooheon’s words are playful, but smile seems forced somehow, and Jackson feels his a lump forming in his throat. 

“Right… yeah. I mean, it is for us too.” Jackson suddenly feels the urge to stare at his shoes, but he keeps his eyes focused on Jooheon. He knows Jooheon, like most Koreans, was raised going to church, but he knows Jooheon isn’t the kind of person who would judge him. After everything else they’ve talked about and been through, Jackson feels in his gut that it’ll be okay to at least tell him somehow. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

“I know you’re probably not… interested in guys or anything, but I-- I had a nice time with you, Jooheon-ah. I really did.” He takes Jooheon’s hands in his and squeezes them as he talks, and the contact gives him strength. His voice barely trembles or wavers at all, and he doesn’t even mess up on the pronunciation like he sometimes does when he’s flustered. “I just. I really like spending time with you. I wanted you to know that I mean it, it’s not just for the cameras.”

It’s more ambiguous than he meant to be, but it’s true, and this way, if Jooheon really isn’t interested it won’t be a big deal for him to take it as something a close friend would say. But he thinks Jooheon knows what he really means when his cheeks start to flush, that cute surprised look of his resurfacing as he processes Jackson’s words. 

“I… I know you mean it.” When Jooheon finally speaks up his voice is quiet, and to Jackson’s surprise he squeezes his hands back, though his eyes flicker from Jackson’s gaze to look down at their joined hands. “I know you always mean it, whether or not there are cameras. That’s why I like spending time with you too, Jackson-ah.”

“G-Great! We’re on the same page then. Sorry for saying weird things all of the sudden,” Jackson pulls his hands away and stands up suddenly, his own cheeks burning hot. “Uh, should we go back before the staff starts looking for us?”

“Jackson-ah, wait.” Jooheon stands up too, but Jackson suddenly feels terribly anxious, even worse than he was before the Olympic trials. He tries to walk away, but Jooheon is after him in a flash, grabbing his arm and spinning him around so Jackson is face-to-face with him again, their noses just shy of touching.

“I never told you I wasn’t interested,” he murmurs, softer than a whisper, and Jackson’s eyes only have time to go wide for a moment before they’re kissing each other gently, something brief and stolen but belonging only to them. Even after they part and Jooheon lets go, Jackson feels like his heart’s caught fire, his lips tingling like a current’s running through them, his eyes unable to tear away from the red wet softness of Jooheon’s perfect mouth. 

“I…” he begins, unable to form the rest of his sentence. “That was…”

“It was.” Jooheon smiles a little, and Jackson wants to tear off his shirt and scream maybe, but instead he returns the smile and does his best not to cry right then and there.

“We’ll find more time, next time,” he promises Jackson in a low voice, threading their arms together as they walk slowly together back to the set, prolonging their time as much as possible. When Jackson glances over, Jooheon’s face has the exact same determined set that it gets when he’s working out a new track, and that’s the real moment Jackson realizes just how gone for him he is. “Somehow, we will.”

“There you both are! How long does it take two boys to go to the bathroom?” The PD scolds them from across the set as soon as they get back in view of the staff, and Jackson and Jooheon exchange glances before grinning again. “Honestly, you two don’t need to be conjoined at the hip even when we’re not filming!” 

Jooheon and Jackson exchange looks then, and both of them burst out into helpless laughter. They’re still giggling when the managers head over to them (thankfully unfazed by their behavior), and Jackson tiptoes to whisper in Jooheon’s ear one last time before they’re pulled apart. 

“Facetime tonight?” he asks under his breath, and Jooheon slides his hand down so he can squeeze Jackson’s briefly. 

“Yeah, for sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> aaaand that's the story of how Jackson Wang furiously googled how to discreetly have phone sex via facetime
> 
> psst follow my [art twitter](https://twitter.com/takatsudon_art)


End file.
